


Rose: Embarrass Yourself In front of the Pretty Neighbour Girl

by JulesAndMore



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Swearing, Terrible clothing, siblings being jerks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 19:19:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8069614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JulesAndMore/pseuds/JulesAndMore
Summary: Rose finds herself face to face with the troll nextdoor after having no less then 4 doors slammed in her face.





	

                The young women didn’t even blinked this time as once again a door slammed in her face, having become oddly use to it in the last hour or so. Still embarrassment burned in her gut and flushed her cheeks as she was dismissed; a brief spark of rage filled her. She clenched her jaw, holding on to the frustrated scream building in her lungs. Squaring her shoulders she turned, stomped down the drive way with her head held high. She past her friends who chortled and snickered behind a nearby bush as she made her way to the street, leaving them to scramble to catch her.

 

“Oh my, god. His face!” John Egbert stumbled to his feet, struggling to get his giggling fit under control. His large hand fell squarely on her shoulder to help steady himself nearly dragging her down under his weight; it was only because of years living with Striders that she was able keep up right.

 

“It was priceless, Rose!” he looped his arm around her neck and leaned in more than he probably meant to, knocking her of balance; Jade coming up to her right was the only thing saving her black velvet dress from grass stains and dirt; a good thing to because Rose wasn’t sure she would be able to stand up without help considering with how heavy the fucking thing was. It was a ridiculous outfit for everyday use, the sort of over the top thing with a tight corset only a teenager would think of as cool and at age 13 Rose Lalonde thought just that.

 

Now at 21 it was a humiliating reminder of her youthful pursuits her mom will never let die. The dress she dons now wasn’t the same as the first one she bought at that one store that does piercings, only to have it break after one use. Nope, once mom saw the torn remains shoved in a crumpled heap in the back of her closet she commissioned a new one for her, every fucking year. Just another passive aggressive act of ironic indulgence; it didn’t take Rose long to see right through her mom’s actions. Dress after dress fell to scissors, fire, bleach and even as a practice dummy for Dave; hell one was even used as target practice. The next day a new one would be laid out on her bed, wrapped with a pink bow and every time it was upgraded to make it harder to destroy. The one she currently wore had enough Kevlar to be considered body armour but was almost impossible to walk in.

 

Dave, who was more like their mother then most would realise, was the one who decided on the dress for this particular dare of John’s. Because if you’re going to harass your neighbours in the name of comedy, why not go above and beyond. She did however approve of the Goth queen makeup he insisted on, and was pleasantly surprised with Dave’s ability to contour and eye liner.

 

“Yes, John. I saw. Unlike you, I got a front row seat. However, I can’t claim it crossed my mind to buy it. Tell me; would the body be included with the purchased or are you just interested in the decapitated head?” she smirked as John’s face twisted in disgust, his tongue sticking out so far she half expected a crow to swoop down and pluck the pink muscle up like it were a worm. Her humiliation temporarily forgotten as she imagined a murder of crows darkening the sky, until Dave slid up next to the rest of the group; he was looking at John but the shit eating grin he had she just knew was designed to grate on her nerve in a way only a sibling could truly master.

 

“You can’t just buy a face like that, such a fine mug deserves to be bought dinner at one of those fancy fucking restaurants, the ones where you have to wear suits or they’ll kick you out and they insist on telling you how long the grapes in your wine of been rotting as if it’s not just rancid grape juice. If you took a picture of that face and brought it to a plastic surgeon, the surgeon would cry over their inadequacy” Dave stared ahead; bringing them to their next target in the cul-de-sec. Rose dragged her feet.

 

“What’s do you have against wine?” Jade frowned. “You’ve taken me on wine tastings before.” Jade rolled her eyes far to use to it after years of friendship and moths of actually living with the Strider-Lalonde twins, though she’s not quite sure how she kept her sanity amongst the pranks, irony and sass.

 

“Of course I do, wine is awesome. Not as great as AJ but still pretty good, but you don’t get paid to make up shit about AJ like you do for rancid grape juice, and then get to act all condescending about it. As if anyone would drink wine if it didn’t get you drunk.”

 

“People must, or there would not be non alcoholic wine.” Rose strongly disagreed and tunes them out, instead focusing on the house ahead of them.

 

The building was tall, almost imposingly so; with a white ball atop stupidly tall tower that probably wasn’t legal in a residential. Colourful fabric hanged of it like sails, making it look as if it belonged out at sea or even in the clouds. She had heard complaints about the house whispered in passing the few times they had actually talked to the neighbours; before John had come up with this ridicules idea to introduce themselves properly. Bitter complaints about how it stood out and effected resale values and how odd the home owner was; speaking of which, the home owner was already outside, on her hands knees in the dirt, rooting through her garden in a position Rose found difficult to look away from.

 

“Maybe we should come back later,” John whispered, his eyes nervously watching as she deftly snip away at a rose bush, but it was the chainsaw lying idle beside the gardener that made him skittish. The machine shined, obviously as meticulously cleaned and polished as the fanciest car on the block, probably could cut one in half as well.

 

“No way, Egderp. We didn’t come this far to abscond now,” Dave chided, his voice soft but clear. The gardener lifted her head at Dave’s voice, showing off a pair of asymmetrical horns poking out of a coif of black hair, clearly identifying her as a troll. Her pointed ears twitched as she spotted the four human friends, her eyebrow rising in silent contemplation.

 

”And miss a chance to great our neighbours? I wouldn’t dream of such a breach of proper social etiquette.” Rose spoke, her words thick with sarcasm.

 

“Yeah, think of our mother, Rose. She would weep and shit. Clench her breast dramatically.  ‘Oh where did I go wrong with my little Rosie?’ she would wail and bro would polish his swords. Preparing to avenge the shame you brought to our combined family names.” she raised an eye brow at her brother.

 

“Don’t worry, she’s cool. I talked to her before; she gave me some pumpkin seeds.” Jade’s enthusiastic wave got a smile out of the troll. It was a small grin, full of sharp teeth that made Rose’s legs feel about as stable as gelatine. Heat pooled in her belly, fuelling her anxiety.

 

“I just say we come back when she doesn’t have the chainsaw. She swings that thing around with one hand.” John smiled warily, his arms tightened around Rose’s shoulder as he shifted to stand behind her. It was true. She had watched her garden. She could hardly be blamed for being unable to help herself from staring as she sat on the front porch sipping her morning coffee. Her favourite part was when she pulled out her chainsaw and ripped through trees like they where nothing, seeing her get all sweaty and panting was just a bonus.

 

“Nah, go for it. If something happens to you, mom can just grow a new one by scrapping the bottom of whatever vat she grew us in. maybe the new one will be cooler.”

 

“I know she’s a scientist and all but I’m fairly curtain I’ve seen pictures of her pregnant.”Jade huffed.

 

“No he’s right; it’s the only logical explanation for our existence.” Rose and Dave nodded in solemn understanding.

 

“No it isn’t. I know you know how babies are made. Your Parents had se-“

 

“Nope,” Dave placed a hand over Jade’s mouth, not even recoiling when she licked it. “Mom made us in her secret underground lab and I got so desperate to get out after spending nine months with her, I crawled out a day early.”

 

“That sounds like a shitty movie or one of your bros animes.” John laughed a little, seemingly having forgotten the chainsaw.

 

“John, your taste in movies is questionable at best.” Rose took a deep breath through her nose, preparing herself to approach the troll. God this dress was impossible; she should have worn the heelys Dirk got her.  “Besides, it is much more realistic then mom and bro Strider conceiving us in passionate act of coitus.”

 

“Gross.” Rose smiled at her brother’s grimace, feeling a smug satisfaction at his discomfort calming her nerves. Jade rolled her eyes.

 

“Enough stalling. Just talk to her then we can go home and eat.” Dave crossed his arms. 

 

“I still say we try again later.” Rose didn’t stay to listen to John’s concerns. She straightened her back to stand as tall as possible, confidante that at this time no door could be slammed in her face.

 

“Chill out, she’s got this.” Rose didn’t look back, instead she worked on impersonating her mother’s power stride, the one she pulled out whenever she wanted to impress people; she felt far less like a stalking feline more like a duck tiring to impersonate one. It helped that the troll kept her head down, the only reaction she gave to the humans approach was a twitch of her ears.

 

Tiny green leaves lining the walkway reached out and brushing against her ankle, like soft green tendrils saying hello and welcome her. She paid them little mind, preoccupied with drinking in all the little details she never noticed from her perch on the front desk. Her eyes traced the curve of her spine, lingering on the few soft looking curls on the back of her neck that managed to avoid whatever product allowed the rest of her hair to defy gravity.

 

“Hello.” Her breath hitched in surprise, she had been so preoccupied with keeping her fingers at her side, seeing as touching a stranger's hair was inappropriate. It took a few moments to realize the girl was speaking and by the time Rose’s tongue stopped felling like led in her mouth the troll had sat back on her heels and turned. Vivid green eyes pinned her in place as they scanned her appraisingly. Rose racked her brain, trying to remember everything she had been told about the hemospectrum trolls followed and what colour meant what but she was stuck, completely drawing a blank; any other colour other than this striking green seemed unimportant.

 

“You’re one of the multiple humans that have occupied the previously vacant hive next to mine.”

 

“That would be correct, if my hive you mean house. My name is Rose.” She slipped into what she hoped was charming smile. The troll gave a small smile rose to her feet, standing a good foot over Rose, without counting her horns. Rose felt a tingle as her face flush, she had seen the women spend hour on her knees in the dirt gardening; which she only watched for out of the most purist of curiosity but it never occurred to her she would be so tall and she really shouldn’t find it so pleasing.

 

“I do. It lovely to make your acquaintance, Rose Human. My name is Kanaya Maryam.” Rose found herself having to take a step back to avoid the horns angled at her face by Kanaya’s bow, thankful her legs held despite how week she felt.

 

“Likewise, but it would be an even greater pleasure if you would do me a favour and refrain from maiming my eyes in your exuberance.” Kanaya jerked back from her semi bow, shifting foot to foot and looking away bashfully; Rose smiled genuinely at how cut she was.

 

“Apologies,” A  green  tongue peeked out to run over her jade painted lips and shot a curious look at the three other humans watching a few meters away. Rose had forgotten about their audience.

“Please excuse my prying, but I find myself rather curious. You have been going door to door and while humans do that quite often, I’ve never seen it happen with so much screaming and door slamming; not to mention your three friends watching. What is it you are doing?” well shit. Looking towards her little family she weighed her options, she could always tell them she completed the dare and walk away with a shred of her pride mostly in tack, or she could so for it and hope the other women would find it funny, maybe she would even be interested.

 

“Why Ms Maryam, are you telling me you find watching people’s suffering amusing?” Rose decided on being bold, taking a step into to the trolls spaces and enjoying the slight gasp she gave. “I thought that was only a human trait as you can ascertain by my friends, but maybe that’s something our species have in common.”

 

“I was merely interested because the behaviour you’re exhibiting seemed out of place.”

 

“So you like to watch,” Rose purred. “That alright, I know quite a few people who like that,” she reframed from mentioning she herself was guilty of such behaviour. As if she hasn’t just been dying to reach out and touch her hair.

 

“I just can’t figure out why someone would slam a door in the face of someone in obvious distress.” A cool hand and reached out to brush alone the fabric on her shoulder; just the barest hint of claws running over her skin promisingly. She had hoped her shudder had gone unnoticed but a low whistle behind her told her it had not.

 

“I am not in distress.” Rose huffed, but couldn’t quite bring herself to move away.

 

“I have a hard time accepting that any sane creature would voluntarily wear such a thing.”

 

“Hurry up, Rose. We still need to decide what to get on the pizza!” Did She imagine that or had the troll step a little closer, because she was fairly certain a moment a go then where a little more than a breath apart. What a minute. She just insulted my dress! Who insults someone’s clothes then try to press against them? Her indigent rage was short lived, sharing the same air as the troll was making her head spin.

 

“It seems your friends are getting restless, perhaps you should tell me why you are here.” The troll traced the lacy accent on Rose’s corset; her resolve almost crumbled then and there, just about every part of her wanted to stay like this. Fuck the stupid dare and Dave’s condescending smirk.

 

“Right,” she took a deep breath.

 

“JADE IS GOING TO GET PINAPPLES AND OLIVES ON IT!”

 

“Shut up. Pineapples are amazing.”

 

Nope,

Nope. Nope. Nope. Pineapple did not belong on pizza. She swallowed and stepped back; attempting to clear the heady fog from her head.

 

“I just I have one question for you Ms Maryam.”

 

“Does it pertain to large prickly fruit grown in tropical climates?”

 

“No.” Rose found herself smiling in amusement.

 

“Then it’s about dress’s that belong on the floor in a loosely organized pile and not distracting from ones natural beauty.”

 

“No. I’m afraid my question if of a more pressing matter.” She called upon the dower and gloom she had mastered as a brooding teen.

 

“Oh my, is this the dreaded human interaction where you ask me for a portion of sweat edible granules, the quantity of which are already predetermined?”

 

“Perish the thought. John already freaks out over baked goods as it is.”

 

“That would be a shame, I hear such solicitation is just a ruse to lure the unsuspecting to a secluded area for ones nefarious reasons.”

 

“I come with no nefarious inclinations but I do bring you is serious.”

 

“I’m not impeding you, but that dress might very well be.”

                                     

“Ms Maryam, have you heard the whispers of the Noble Circle Noble Circles of Horrorterrors?” Such a stupid question; a call back from when she was 13 and into magic. But oh how her brother and mother just loved to drag it up and parade her more embarrassing moment of her youth for others to see. At least this time she didn’t have that shitty black hair dye that turned her hands purple.

 

Kanaya just tilted her head and watched her silently. Well so much for casual flirting with the cute neighbour.

 

“No,” Kanaya paused as if she was trying to find the correct response to a surprise quiz. “Though I did once see a one of Gl’bgolyb’s many extremities breaching the water.”

 

“You actually saw the Emissary to the Horrorterrors?” she tried to stay calm, she really did but excitement bubbled deep within her. Kanaya smiled indulgently, shooting a quick look at the three humans watching before leaning down to pick up her trowel.

 

“I did. Thankfully I did not here it speak, as you can tell from me being very much alive and speaking to you. If you are interested Feferi has informed me that Gl’bgolyb does indeed whisper to her, but most trolls do interact with their lusus in such a manner.” The troll turned and walked towards the door, keeping her eyes on the human as she went. Rose mindlessly followed suit, her eyes locked on the sway of the other girl’s hips until her foot slammed into something heavy and solid.  

 

“FUCK!” Rose hopped on her other foot, taking the pressure of her sore toes. John roared in laughter from a distance and ever Dave and Jade could be heard despite his volume, but it was the quite chuckle of the troll that knocked her off balance and onto her butt.

 

“If you would be so kind as to grab that for me we can continue our conversation inside. I don’t have any human pizza, but I’m sure I can find something you would enjoy.”  Kanaya entered her hive, leaving behind an open door and a stunned human.

 

Rose looked away after a few minutes, finding the object that tripped her was Kanaya’s chainsaw. She tried to stand as her friends made it over to her side; content to watch as she struggled under the twisted folds of weighted fabric.

 

“Good job, Rose. I mean it wasn’t as funny as some of the others.” John tried to help her up, having more strength in his wiry arms then one would expect at a glance.

 

“She’s a troll surrounded by humans, john. I’m quite sure she’s seen weirder.” Jade wrapped her arms around Rose’s waist, helping John get her to her feet. John rolled his eyes at his sister.

 

”yeah, I guess. I was just hoping for a funny reaction.” Rose brushed the dirt off her skirt, paying her friend little attention, she squinted through the troll’s open door; half expecting a pair of glowing eyes lurking in the dark. she was pulled back to her friends by a heavy weight being pushed into her chest. Her eyes met Dave’s as he passed her the heavy chainsaw. The machine was heavier then it looked, forcing her to use both arms to keep it aloft whereas Dave only required one, much to her chagrin.  

 

“Well?” How Dave managed to come across so smug was truly amazing and aggravating.

 

“Well what, Dave? I know this may be difficult for you, but commutating often works better if one uses full sentences and doesn’t assume everyone else knows your convoluted thought process.” Her bite just made him even smugger, his smirk spread from ear to ear.

 

“What was that, Rose? Are you saying you don’t assume to know everything? Do we have that on tape? I can make a killer mix with that.”

 

“As much as I love listening to you talk,” Rose brushed past him, hitting his shoulder hard with hers in a manner that could be considered affectionate. “I shouldn’t dawdle and keep a lady waiting.  Hope you don’t mind me passing on dinner.”

 

“Its fine will save you a slice.”

 

“Speak for yourself Jade. There are no dibs when it comes to pizza.” John glared at his sister. Rose stopped in the door way.

 

“I’ll just do without.” She closed the door and slinked into the dark to chase after the troll.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first story i've written on a computer rather then a phone, it was an interesting experience. it was suppose to be a short 800 word fic that got away from me. i spent way to much time on this.  
> I'm not particularly happy with it but hopefully i have a better understanding of the characters now than when i started.


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